Day 4... Permission to NOT have the answer

I like answers!  We live in an age of information.  We don't have to wait for any answers, really.  We can call people and ask questions.  We can search the internet for facts, trivia, opinions, etc...

Especially as a mom I like to have information.  Information gives me power.

I am learning that I do not HAVE to have an answer.  I don't have to know what is coming next.  This is very hard as a "good girl".  When I know what is next I can get prepared.  Not knowing leaves me exposed, vulnerable.  This has been a lesson that my husband and I had to come to terms with very fast.

There really isn't a LOT known about the metabolic disorder our daughter has.  Within the initial explanation of her diagnosis we learned there was a limit to the knowledge these experts had.  They were kind and compassionate but they knew very little.  We also learned that there was not expected path or outcome.  GULP!  While we know more than we knew then, we are more of an expert on our daughter and not her disorder.  We still don't really know what is next.

Even in the world we live in not knowing is ok.  It may not be typical but it is ok.

Some days this concept hits me hard in my gut.  I struggle.  Occasionally I WANT to hide under the covers and make it all go away.  I can't.  So, I am learning to move on even though I don't know the answer.

As a believer I know that God does know the answers.  I have to choose to trust Him.  I have to choose to trust Him with our future and the next step in our journey.

Even before our daughter was born my husband and I claimed the verse Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,'  declares the Lord."

It seems good and easy, but this is something I struggle with.