Day 10... View From My Kitchen Sink #31days

An unexpected view during this crazy journey has been my kitchen sink.

Don't get me wrong, I have a great kitchen and a great kitchen sink.  I have to admit that I was unprepared for the lessons God would teach me at the kitchen sink.

Sometime I have struggled with daily disciplines.  As a teenager and young woman I struggled with things like making my bed every day, proactively doing the laundry (you know not waiting until you NEEDED what was in the pile), doing the dishes without letting them pile up and even daily quite times with the Lord.  Of course as I "grew up" these things began to improve as I matured.  As a young mom I thought I had a pretty good routine in place.  I liked an orderly home.  I loved taking care of my little daughter.  Her laundry was generally taken care of and along the way I took care of ours.  

With the addition of Miss Alex things got interesting.  We were very focused on each of her feedings.  Truthfully we were stressing ourselves out encouraging her to eat and recording every ml that she drank.  I actually have a complete record of every ml that she drank during her first year of life.  

The part I was unprepared for was my battle at the kitchen sink!  At first, while I was sleep deprived it was funny.  Every time I talked to my husband on the phone I was "making bottles, about to make bottles or had just made bottles".  It seemed simple and harmless enough.  

I remember a time when she was about six months old when I was just struggling with this.  I had found a routine and had a system down.  But the truth was I didn't want to wash bottles and make formula!  I struggled with the reality that this was important.  This was vital.  I could NOT EVER miss this.  After all, her life depended on it.  I know the struggles were more about other issues too but I was taking it out at the kitchen sink.  My heart would get mad.  I would fuss at God (usually without anyone else knowing).  I would cry.  It was my battle ground.  I had to choose to do this every day, no matter what.  I was also choosing not to like it.  Apparently my stubborn side was coming out and I often felt like that little girl digging heals in, crossing her arms and pouting.  I knew this was so much easier than what we could be doing but I was realizing the endless nature of this fight.  

God patiently walked along side me each time.  I vented to Him about how hard this was.  I went back and forth with my willingness.  Eventually I settled into the predictability of the routine.

I wish I could tell you that every time I struggled I would turn my heart to the Lord.  Sometimes I did.  Sometimes I did not.   I wish I could tell you that I used my time to memorize a scripture or even pray for friends.  Sometimes I did and sometimes I did not.  My husband and I used this as a bargaining tool.  "If you do this for me I'll do that."  (I know mature, right?)

Less than two months ago we changed everything about her routine.  No more bottles and formula!!  Did I celebrate?  nope.  Did I do a happy dance?  nope.  So what changed?  Now I wash the dishes several times a day (whenever I'm in the kitchen).  I clear off the counter without a fuss or a fight.  No major power struggles needed.  I am different.  God has slowly transformed me.  The daily discipline of washing her bottles and making formula has changed me.  I accept the tasks that need to be done a little easier.  I am not fighting God over the kitchen sink any more.